10 reasons why you shouldn't fountain hop at Stanford

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Stanford University is known for its quirky traditions with complex origins:

Yet one tradition stands out from the rest: fountain hopping.

A perennial student favorite, fountain hopping was invented by an unnamed muscle head in 1975, when a group of girls walked by and he reportedly wanted an excuse to take his shirt off. Upon learning that these girls were ProFros (high schoolers), he suddenly needed to make up a reason for his public indecency. In the police report, this ephebophile called this innocent activity of stripping in a campus body of water “fountain hopping.” Hence, the term was born.

The subsequent history of fountain hopping is as stupid as its origin. Next time you plan to risk getting giardia to prance around in these ornate, glorified bird fountains, it is best to keep the following in mind:

While interested in many things, he isn't very interesting himself. Contact Devin at humor "at" stanforddaily.com